action | OTA

[professor_charisma]

Passengers: Waver & You
Location: Infirmary/Loading Bay
Date: Backdated to Feb. 14th. Happy Valentine's?
Summary: Post-outing scuffle fallout
Warnings: Just one big nerd feeling sorry for himself.



Infirmary

[A shoulder sprain, a cracked rib, head and neck contusions, and a rather burned right hand. All in all, it could have been a lot worse for Waver, and it’s not long before the autodoc has him patched up. He sleeps through the process, desperately in need of rest in a safe place. His dreams are vague but tense; trapped at the edge of a desert cliff, the ocean impossibly far below, a charging army on the horizon.

There’s the beeping of machinery alerting anyone nearby as Waver comes to, good as new. He doesn’t move at first, staring blankly at the sterile ceiling above, letting the reality rush back in. He doesn’t seem awake until he picks up his right arm to look at his hand, which he burned twice in the fight, using the fire as a catalyst for magic. He flexes his long fingers, now unblemished and whole, before laying his hand on his chest. It’s another moment until he sits up, eyes scanning the room. Part of him was hoping he was alone, so he didn’t have to talk yet. Luckily for him, he was not.]

I, ah. I guess I’m all better now.

–

Loading Bay Observatory

[Before he can retreat back to his room and hide for a while to sulk write a very long, very detailed report of the incident, Waver stops at the designated smoking area inside the loading bay. It was cold, but right now that’s what he felt like he needed. It had a way of making you feel awake. Alive.

He’s in there for a long time, blankly watching the equipment mindlessly roll back and forth. As you approach, he’s finishing up one cigarette, which he stubs out on a nearby railing, before immediately taking another from his pack. He lights it up with a spell, using two fingers not unlike an old car lighter, holding them to the end until it begins to smolder. He pokes sadly at his nearly empty packet, sighing deeply, a quick cloud of smoke emanating from him. Only two left after this.]

Not good.

Comments

[professor_charisma]

Tough love, as they say. [Waver nods, that fleeting smile returning for just a moment.]

What I don't know is what to do with someone who seems to ... [He searches for a term that doesn't sound too harsh, but falls short.] ... lack humanity. [Strangely, Malekith almost seemed reasonable compared to Travis, and Malekith wasn't human in the slightest.] Reaching someone who doesn't want to be reached. Someone who's given up everything but emotions of self-preservation. I'd like to think everyone here has something in them that makes them candidates to graduate. But what if they just... don't? The Admiralty is power, but not infallible. Not every inmate might be cut out for this. What then?

[Waver the detective, the puzzle solver, always with never-ending questions.]

[dealwiththe]

I think it's far too early to say that about any of the inmates. They're all different sorts of messed up. Some will be more challenging than others. Some may need to find just the right warden, the right set of circumstances.

[ Lucifer looks thoughtfully out into space for a moment. ]

If any of them are beyond helping, I suppose eventually the Navarch will make that call, and send them back to their fate. But I'd hope they'll all get a decent chance to change first.

[professor_charisma]

[Waver nods. Lucifer was absolutely right. Another drag, and Waver looks at the quickly-dwindling cigarette bemusedly. He couldn't even break this bad habit - what does that say about his future job here?]

A good point. I suppose the question I should be asking isn't if the inmates are cut out for this, but if I'm cut out for being a warden.

[He'd been drafting a resignation letter in his head since the moment he woke up from the autodoc.]

[dealwiththe]

Why, because some inmates beat you up?

[ Lucifer looks somewhat incredulous. ]

Let me ask you this: do you think you deserve less of a chance to prove yourself than those inmates?

[professor_charisma]

[That frown deepens at that comments, with Waver closing his eyes.]

I do think that "don't get beaten up by the inmates" should probably rank rather high on the list of a warden's duties. A rule which I broke within my first week.

[Cigarette now finished, and Waver looks pretty put out about it. He stubs it out on the railing like he did his last one, but with maybe a little to much force on it this time.]

Not knowing what I'm doing is a detriment to both sides. I don't want to give up, I just-- I need time. Time to study, to practice. But they don't have time. Every day they sit here, they grow more listless, more destructive.

[dealwiththe]

Our duty is to help them. Some of us may get a bit beaten up in the process.

[ Period. He shakes his head a little. Much like himself, Waver is here trying to take responsibility far beyond what he should. ]

If you wait until you're infallible to even try to help anyone, then you'll definitely never help. And by that logic, not a single one of us is qualified. So you made a mistake. We're all making mistakes, all the time. The difference between a warden and an inmate, the way I see it, is that when we make mistakes, we should be able to own them, and try to do better. That's how we set the example.

[professor_charisma]

[Waver looks sullen, that inner emotional kid in him showing around the edges of that frown and now crossed arms. Intellectually, he knows this, it's his emotions that won't let it go. That won't let him stop feeling like a perpetual fuck up. When he answers, though, it's quiet, biting back but accepting. Trying very, very hard to be accepting.]

I... I know. I suppose my next step is what to do with the inmates in question. I know they're in solitary, and while I don't think it's necessarily the wrong idea on the part of the other wardens, I just really hate the idea.

[Solitary as a general concept didn't sit well with him.

Waver looks at Lucifer for a moment, trying to relax a bit. It's still hard to believe that so far, the person on the ship who's been the most helpful to him has been Lucifer. Lucifer.]

I, um. Appreciate the help. I get what you're saying. I really do. It's just harsnto not just keep playing out everything in my head trying to get it right. Hindsight is 20/20 and all that.

[dealwiththe]

If you can think of some more fitting consequences, by all means. But they shouldn't just be let off without something. They're not being harmed, just separated from the others for a while because they clearly pose a threat.

[ Lucifer's tone is firm and straightforward. He interrogated Travis himself, and the only thing Travis wound up with was a few minor bruises. As far as he's concerned, that's getting off lightly.

But then he sighs. ]

I know the feeling. There was a time when I hated myself so thoroughly, I turned myself into a monster. Convinced I deserved nothing less. I'd gone from avoiding all responsibility to claiming far too much of it.

[professor_charisma]

[Now there's a statement that hits a little too close to home. It almost felt pointed, and since he's been beating himself up for hours now internally, and it lands harder than it probably should.

Waver didn't feel like a monster, though. It was the opposite - a pushover, a failure. A mouse of a man.

He doesn't succeed in relaxing, shoulders tensing up again. His voice is quiet, stern. He gives Lucifer a nod before turning to leave the loading bay.]

I'll be sure to speak with them all, at some point. I'll have a report completed soon as well.

[He doesn't turn around, but he does hesitate for just a moment.]

...Thank you.