this is the part where prison is more or less dave and busters

[saklas]

Passengers: Everyone who wants to come see what the weird vending machine is about for the first time it is open to them! This is an open mingle/party style log.
Location: "a corner," the location of the Commissary
Date: February 1 - 7 on year one of our cool and sexy journey
Summary: 14 space idiots squint at the ATM that can supposedly make elk meat and clown shoes for them
Warnings: Will add as needed! I'm 90% sure someone's going to ask for drugs or blades, just as a weather forecast

Comments

[saklas]

Okay, then don't actually dehydrate. We'll touch you up in post, it's fine. Eli Pompeii doesn't even work out, you know, they just airbrush him.

[This is just a rumor, Volk has not met anyone that famous, ever.]

Either that or I can have someone double you - that's also easy. Picture of you, one of those big printer racks that uses biological pigments, bam.

[rank1]

Dude, no, if we're doing this, I'm going to be ripped. I used to be cut, I used to do the gym for hours every day, and I was working through all of it. For me, it's gotta be real.

[34 feels a lifetime away from 29 but. You know.]

[saklas]

[eh fuck it this thing is never happening anyway.]

You're the talent.

[That's "whatever your baby brain needs you fucking maniac just please show up on time so the rest of us can work" in Volk's stock talking-to-actors speak.]

I'll get you a trainer, you can't park your car on the street where I live without having to scrape personal trainers off of the windshield in the morning.

[rank1]

[Travis is, regretfully, too into the idea to even notice he's being condescended to.]

Thanks. ["All of mine are dead!"] Does the company pay for it?

[saklas]

Oh, hell yeah. You can expense everything. Start demanding weird foods, see what people do.

...Don't, actually, they complain to me when that happens. But you could.

[rank1]

[What a crazy thing to think about: people just paying for your shit. He hasn't had that since he was a kid.]

I gotta try it just to say that I did. Just once, so that you don't get your shit canned. Authentic wagyu beef or something!

[saklas]

No, no, they won't fire me for it, it'll just be the caterer who's already running around trying to feed two hundred people every day on a set that moves around. We can do good meat, trust me. Its the things like - I had a lead on Passage - dont tell people about this, it'll be in a tabloid - that would only eat what her boyfriend ate, and she was raw vegan and he was keto and they both only wanted local farm food. We were like 'is that what you do at home'? And of course, no, they just go to the fucking store, but we're Sunshine Court so obviously we have the resources to accommodate this oooone tiny thing -

Like, sweetie, what do you want. They built southern Augustin on a swamp that nobody normal could use. Turana figured it out because she's like, a miracle worker, but talk about starving artists.

[rank1]

["Sweetie." Travis looks a little amused.]

You'd think your version of LA would be set up to deal with that shit, it's like Hollywood standard, right? It's pretty fuckin' wild that you guys have keto though, I was kinda hoping that was a really localized hell. You guys have crossfit, too? What a bunch of idiots.

[Hey, this is exciting: shit talking bad health practices. Can't do that at home because his wife loves her belt exercise machine.]

[saklas]

It's like - what is local! Nothing is local unless you like to eat catfish and crawfish and... other fish. Alligators. Lotus, maybe?

We have crossfit. I mean, I've heard of it, but it's completely someone else's job to know what it is. How do you have time to exercise?

I mean, not here. Here we have literally nothing to do. There isn't even a gym. I think even actual prisons have gyms.

[rank1]

There's a gym here, you just need a fuckin' warden to open it up. I've just been training whatever quiet area I can find instead of asking. [He glances over Volk, a little dubiously.] Would you even use it?

[saklas]

I mean, like.

Wouldn't that be hilarious?

[absolutely the fuck no he will not use it, it's the principle of the thing.]

[rank1]

At least a little. [A scoff of a laugh.] You don't look like you've been inside a gym in your life.

[saklas]

I don't like doing things that I already know I'm going to be bad at.

[rank1]

Everyone's shit at everything first. You buy into that "if at first you don't succeed, destroy all proof you tried" shit?

[saklas]

Everyone's shit at some things first.

[Volk is smirking. He's a 'got good grades, didn't study' type asshole.]

For other things, there's talent.

[Yes. He is a beautiful golden idol of talent. Worship him, creatures.]

[rank1]

[A scoff.]

Yeah, true. Still didn't answer my question.

[saklas]

Sure. Yes. I do believe in that. Who wants to be embarrassed?

[Ew.]

[rank1]

[A shrug.] I never feel embarrassed, even when I fuck shit up.

[saklas]

That sounds fun, but it does explain a lot.

[rank1]

[A shrug. It's a fucked up way to be, but he can only be himself.]

You should try it. Might take a while to get the hang of, but once you're there, you're invincible.

[saklas]

Oh I am never getting there, I have anxiety.

[He says this like he's got it in a box in the back of the store. We are all stocked up on that, dude, we definitely have it.

This, from Volk, is just an excuse to continue to be a snob about people with worse taste than him - "ugh, at least I'm not like THAT" - and also to not have to work on himself.]