(no subject)

[sanctus_dei]

Passengers: Theo Crawford and anyone who might want to talk to him, for whatever reason
Location: Solitary
Date: May 5th through the 11th
Summary: Theo has fucked up big time, and is only beginning to pay the price for it
Warnings: Will update when necessary



[Solitary confinement is the worst thing you can do to Theo. Though the cells are much more comfortable than they have any right to be, to leave him cut off from everyone and everything, only to be alone with his own thoughts for an incalculable amount of time. Despite anything he might say to the contrary, he really doesn't like being alone. He had too much of that back home. On the Peregrine, even if he didn't get along with almost anyone here, it was better than never having anyone around at all.

The fact that his planned failed so miserably, and now has to suffer all the consequences that come with it, is unbearable. Theo completely broke down during his attempt, and it was happening all over again as he waited in the cell. He had convinced himself over the last few months, no matter how hard any warden disputed it, that there was no way he would be able to graduate. He couldn't go home. Beyond redemption. His escape attempt was the only faint glimmer of hope he had, and, like everything, he barreled into it without thinking and nosedived. A self-fulfilling prophecy, really. On top of that, losing the chance to live on his own in an amazing place, one where magic wasn't feared or sequestered away.

He spends the first day acting like he often does, like a cornered animal. Pacing in the small space, punching the walls and door. Anyone who tries to approach him gets screamed at to leave him alone, and he refuses to talk further.

After that things go downhill for him, but at least he's quieter. But he's not doing much of anything at all - eating, sleeping, talking. He's never looked great, but he's looking more gaunt and withdrawn than ever. He sits on his bed, knees to his chest, small and frail as ever. By the time the end of port comes, he's been inside six days and he's broken all over again, but it's different now. Maybe by then someone can get some answers out of him. An explanation. A little compliance. That is, if anyone thinks it's worth trying.]

Comments

[nineteenfortyfive]

[Seeing Theo is not on the top of Claire's to-do list. She has to make sure the people he drugged are all right, and she figures with him in solitary, he's not about to go anywhere. So, Claire makes her way to him some days later, once her annoyance has simmered down some, but she still approaches with a disappointed frown and her arms crossed over her chest.

He's a mess. She can't deny the pang of sympathy, but--]

Theo. You know better.

[sanctus_dei]

[Secretly, he's glad to see anyone come in. That anyone made an effort, even to yell at him or question him. What he wasn't expecting from anyone was a scolding tone.

When Claire enters, he doesn't move from his seat in the corner of the bed, peering at her with blank eyes over his arms, folded over his knees.]

Hnn.

[A beat.]

I thought I did, which is the problem.

[A vain attempt at being a smartass. His voice is hoarse.]

[nineteenfortyfive]

For someone who seems worried about whether he can graduate at all, you're not making it any easier for us to try and help you, Theo.

[Don't think she forgot their little chat.]

You can't run from this.

[sanctus_dei]

[In typical fashion, he turns away, unable to stand her looking at him. He'd melt into the wall if he could.]

I didn't want help. I wanted to get out of here. I wanted-- I wanted to stay in that place.

[Spoken in past tense. Bhujerba is forever out of his grasp now. But not just that. I didn't want help was also past tense.]

I don't-- [He swallows, words getting caught in his throat. Swallowing down emotion that he doesn't want sneaking out.] I don't understand. I can't understand why me being here matters at all to any of you.

[nineteenfortyfive]

I'd like to believe that any of the wardens here, if given the opportunity, would save a life. Even without reward. No one here wants you to be miserable, Theo.

[Even Loki still wants to try with Theo, after all this.]

You have to give us the benefit of the doubt.

[sanctus_dei]

[He's quiet for a moment, wrapping an arm over his head, as if he could somehow curl up any tighter. Otherwise, only his eyes move to finally look at the warden.]

Do you know why I'm here? On the Peregrine. What my crime was.

[William knew. Loki now, too. If somehow they didn't all know by now, he'd be shocked.]

[nineteenfortyfive]

[Claire shakes her head, leaning a shoulder on the nearest wall.]

Tell me.

[theartofmadness]

( Of course all the action goes down when he's in a fucking coma or whatever. They go to port, Theo (presumably) tries his bullshit and fails. What else did he miss?? And while Jason doesn't really know the full ins and outs of what all happened and he also doesn't know Theo all too much, the guy did show some vague camaraderie. More than that, though, Jason knows explicitly why people drink. There's only a few reasons and in his experience, it's often loneliness.

Putting someone like that in solitary? Probably not the smartest move, but what the fuck does he know he's just an inmate. Nevertheless, Jay makes it down and plops himself on the floor outside the door. )

Yo, how's the hole treatin' ya?

[sanctus_dei]

[It's quiet at first, maybe long enough for Jason to think Theo didn't hear him, or is maybe asleep. But after a few moments, there's some shifting from inside as Theo gets closer to the door. He can't really yell, as the voice that answers Jason back is hoarse, shaky.]

Is that-- Jason?

[Theo was seriously starting to think he was dead.]

[theartofmadness]

( How long has this dude been in here? He didn't even know how long he was out for to be honest, but also fuck it what is time in space even. Anyway, point was that the guy sounded real worse for wear. )

The one and only, Jason fuckin' Todd. ( A break. He rolls his head against the wall and toward the door. ) How you doin'?

[sanctus_dei]

I thought you... I-I, uh.

[He sounds like hell. There's some more shifting noises inside, as Theo lies against the other side of the door.

He doesn't know what to say, and it's quiet again. As terrible as everything has been, as long as he's been in here alone other than a few wardens stopping by to give him an earful, the idea that anyone might willingly stop by just to check on him has him stunned.

Jason must want something, right? No one would be stopping by just to check on him. Not possible. In an effort to avoid Jason's question, he's got one of his own.]

What day's it?

[theartofmadness]

( Not good, is the answer he takes from that. Though it's clear as day. Just the tone itself says a lot. He hums, and checks his com. ) Apparently the 10th? I dunno, just woke up from some kinda coma thing myself.

[sanctus_dei]

Yeah. Was wonderin' what the hell happened.

[That's the Theo version of "I was concerned".

There's a beat. His voice is just barely heard through the door.]

I've been in here for five days so far, then.

backdated to around when this went up!

[smugreport]

[ Rhys moseys down to solitary about a day after he gets word that Theo's plan didn't go well, as planned. He's not here to gloat, or anything like that. No, he's merely here for appearance sake. To give Theo a "that's too bad, buddy" and all that shit.

He walks by Theo's cell, stopping short and doing a 180 to stand in front of it proper. ]

Woof. Guess things didn't work out huh? This is kinda nostalgic though, right?

[sanctus_dei]

[Theo is a bit surprised to see anyone stop. He's looking very strung out, left sitting alone with nothing but his own thoughts.

At this point in his stay, he still has enough energy to summon up some attitude. He's not too keen on how Rhys worded that. He doesn't get up from his spot from the corner of the bed, though. Yet.]

Yeah, I'd say it didn't fucking work out. [He rubs his eyes like he's got a headache. Which he absolutely does.]

You know, if even one-- No, fucking forget it. Doesn't matter anymore.

[smugreport]

[ He can finish the sentence on his own. Everyone bailed. Rhys feels almost a little bad, less about Theo's current predicament and more that no one went along with his plan. He's been there and it's a less than great feeling.

On the other hand, everyone bailing means more plausible deniability on his end of things. So in that regard he feels great. ]

Look on the bright side: your very on en suit for a... however long you're in here.

[sanctus_dei]

[The grim, unamused look at earns Rhys clearly shows Theo isn't able to see any lighter side here. Not that he was adept at such a thing even on a good day.]

Oh, yeah. It's tons of fun sitting with nothing for an indeterminate amount of time, waiting to be punished some more, and knowing I'm never gettin' off this ship ever again. Just... fantastic.

[He runs out of steam by the end.]

[smugreport]

Just don't let them take your stuff alright? That part sucked way more than the week down here.

[ Said like "there there, buddy!" ]

[sanctus_dei]

[That certainly manages to rattle him. He already had so little - mostly just the access to books on his comm, and his chess set.]

What? Would they--? You mean for good? They already threw me in here for God knows how long with nothing.

wildly backdated let's see where this goes.

[dealwiththe]

[ It's the last day of port by the time Lucifer drops in on Theo. Mostly, this is because he knows the boy's moods well enough by now to know that the first couple of days, it'll be pointless to try and talk to him. He needs time, for the anger to dissipate, or rather turn back on himself. Lucifer can't say he enjoys knowing this - that he has to wait until Theo is low - but needs must, and all that.

He looks solemn when he finally enters, his eyes sad and concerned as he looks at the lad. This isn't the first broken soul Lucifer has intruded on to try and help - but despite his high body count, he finds Theo more relatable than most. ]

I blame myself, really.

[sanctus_dei]

[When Lucifer enters, Theo had actually managed to get just a bit of sleep. Still balled up in the corner of the bed, leaned against the wall, but sleep nonetheless.

He'd been expecting at least one warden, especially one of the ones he'd personally victimized in this situation, to come in with anger. What continues to startle him is the disappointment, the sadness, the sympathy. Deep down, it angers him, but it's mostly because he just can't understand it.

He doesn't move from his spot, just furrows his brow when Lucifer finally speaks up. His voice is hoarse, tired.]

... What?

[dealwiththe]

[ Lucifer's casual stance belies the seriousness on his face, in his whole look at Theo. ]

I blew up at you. Threw up my hands and became one more person who didn't think you were worth the time and effort. That's what you think, right?

[sanctus_dei]

[Theo's face falls to shock immediately, because yes, that's exactly it. Of course, he didn't think of it that way, but subconsciously it absolutely was. The surprise on his face mostly likely hints to this revelation.

For a moment, as he tries to form a sentence, his breath hitches his chest. Being pushed aside or abandoned always hurts him so much, but he's too deep in his own head to ever realize that maybe, sometimes, he is part of the problem.

Yet.]

I... could have killed several wardens. I plotted an escape for months. I've broke shit, stolen things, started fights. So. Yeah. That's what I thought. You're hardly the first to do it.

[dealwiththe]

I know. You do bad things because it's better that people have good reason for abandoning you, rather than just - you not being lovable, somehow. Saves you the trouble of ever getting invested, too. You're exactly what people expect from the evil angry teenage boy, and that's that.

[ He crosses his arms over his chest. ]

Except, I haven't given up on you. And I'm not planning to, no matter how many times to try to kill a bunch of wardens and escape.

[sanctus_dei]

[Still unable to come up with a sound argument against this, Theo is quiet. He's in the corner in his usual defensive pose, and for a moment he hides his face behind his knees as he tries to keep it together. It's been a very, very tough week.

When he looks at Lucifer again, his eyes don't have that usual fire behind them. He's out of anger at the moment. Out of everything.]

Why. Why would you put forth so much effort for me? Why would anyone, but-- especially, you?